Intoxicating Love: The Greatest Guard Rail Against Infidelity

The book of Proverbs has, for me in recent years, become a most faithful friend. It encourages and edifies my soul as I meditate on it. I keep one of those ESV journal books with me as a helpful way to read through it and meditate on it. Considering recent events (some in the broader reformed evangelical world and others much closer to home), I was reminded of Proverbs 5:18-19.

The father begins his seventh lecture to his son as a sort of “man-to-man” warning against the disasters of adultery (Waltke, 305). He invites the son and, by extension, those who fear the Lord to incline their ear to wisdom. He warns that the “lips of a forbidden woman drip honey” (5:3). At this point, they hadn’t discovered sugar, so the honey here represents the sweetest, most delectable treat one can imagine. Solomon is saying that the words of the forbidden woman will sound delightful. She will be enticing. She will make promises of satisfaction and pleasure. It will seem that she can make all your dreams come true, but it is all for not. “Her lubricious, seductive speech…  draws her victim irresistibly towards mystery, excitement and delight” (Waltke, 308)

The father explains that these promises are empty. They are “bitter as wormwood” (5:4). He warns the son that “her feet go down to death” (5:5). She makes delightful promises but can only deliver destruction. In other parts of Proverbs, the father tells the son about a young man who passes by her house. He says of this man, “With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter” (7:22–23). The father says, “Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say. Do not let your heart turn to her ways. Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death” (7:24–27). Can you hear the urgency with which the father speaks? He is crying out and pleading with his son, “Don’t go that way!” Yes, it might look exciting. Yes, it promises pleasure and ecstasy. But it is the way to death. You will be like an ox brought to slaughter.

The father commands his son to “keep your way far from her” (5:8). He says don’t even “go near the door of her house” (5:8). Bringing things a little closer to this century, I think we can resonate with the warnings of the father. Sexual sin is pervasive in our society. Each of us carries a phone with unfiltered access to untold amounts of debauchery. We need to heed the father’s warning. Keep away! Don’t even go near that door.

You might think, “Well, it is so difficult.” Sexual sin, especially for those who are married, stands by our door. How can we properly guard against it? I am glad you asked because the father continues. He writes: “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love” (5:18-19). We need to remember that these words are not gross. The marital relationship of knowing your spouse is a God-given gift to those who are married. I like the Old Testament way of talking about union in marriage as “knowing” one’s spouse. Your wife is not an object for your personal pleasure. She is a person to be known. She is to be loved and cherished. Intimacy in marriage comes best when two people are vulnerable with one another and share mutual trust and respect. Knowing your spouse is not great because it feels good but because it connects two people and makes them one flesh. The Bible is clear on these points and not distasteful.

We do ourselves no good by acting like knowing your spouse is in some way a dirty or disgusting thing. It is a wonderful and beautiful thing. The father tells his son to get married young and enjoy all of God’s blessings available to a marriage relationship. This type of relationship is not just for reproduction. The father instructs the son to be infatuated with every part of his wife’s body. We are, after all, embodied people. The father says that she should fill him with satisfaction—that she should intoxicate him. This is my rendition: “She should take his breath away.” You cannot know this type of satisfaction with any other woman. Your wife is the one to rejoice in. She is the one you should delight in. She is the intoxicating love of your life.

Sometimes, marriages can be treated like business partnerships. Don’t get me wrong. I am contractually obligated to love my wife “till death do us part.” I said the words and signed the paper, and by God’s grace, I hope to live up to my end of the bargain. But that is not all marriage is. It is not an agreement so that each person can get something out of it that they wouldn’t get if they were single. It is a bond of one man and one woman for one lifetime. A bond by which they can honor God, reflect Christ, and enjoy God’s grace.

The events I referenced in the opening paragraph have caused me to stop and think about my marriage. It has helped me think about areas I need to grow in. Things I need to do better at and ways I can love my wife better. By God’s grace, I hope thousands of men will examine their own hearts. I pray to that end. God can take a situation that causes much harm and bring about much good. Have people been hurt? Yes. Has the reputation of Christ been stained? Yes. But if this “shocking” news forces us to examine our own hearts, tomorrow, Christ’s church will be strengthened. 

If we want to guard ourselves from the forbidden woman, we need to cultivate the kind of marriages that the father told his son about. We need to be satisfied in the wife of our youth. We need to treasure her. Do you show this type of love and affection to your wife? Are your eyes fixed on her and only her? Or are they wondering off? Heed this warning. Don’t go that way. Do you think you can “carry fire next to your chest” and not be burned (6:27)? Work hard to cultivate a kind of intoxicating love with your spouse. Give yourself over to her. Be satisfied in her, and then you will have no reason to go down a different road or go knocking on a different door. The promises of the forbidden woman will show themselves to be empty and vain because the pleasures of marriage have satisfied you like nothing else can.