When to Say “No”
Many people are looking for excuses to do less for God. This post is not for them. This is for Christians who tend to burn the candle at both ends, for people who have a hard time saying “no.”
I regularly meet with people who are overwhelmed with life. Sometimes it’s because of the pain of their own sin. Other times it is because of the pain of someone else’s sin. But many times, people are overwhelmed because they have taken on too much. The overachiever in us wants to press on, to say “yes” to everything. After all, the need is great, and God has given us ability and energy. Having that kind of ambition to serve is great. But in time, we can become so overwhelmed by all of the things that we have said “yes” to, that we push our essential responsibilities to the periphery. As we reflect on life, we are frustrated, because we can’t keep all the plates spinning.
I was helped by this article from Kevin DeYoung, https://kevindeyoung.org/the-crushing-obligation-to-keep-doing-more-and-more/. It reminded me of a story from the book of Acts that regularly intrigues me.
Healing a Lame Man
A 40-year-old man had been lame from birth (Acts 3:2; 4:21). Every day, He was carried to the gate of the Jerusalem temple so that he could beg for alms (3:2). When he saw Peter and John, he begged for money. But Peter said, “We don’t have silver or gold, but we will give to you what we do have. In the name of Jesus, get up and walk.” Peter then grabbed his hand to help him up. Immediately his feet and ankles were strengthened. With a leap, he stood upright and began to walk.
What an amazing miracle! The man became the object of conversation immediately (3:9-10) and also later on when Peter and John were arrested (4:20-21).
The thing that intrigues me about this story is that this man sat outside the temple every day (3:2). Yet Jesus, over the previous three years, would have presumably crossed paths with him dozens of times. And yet, He did not heal him! Of course, in His sovereign wisdom, He knew that after ascending into heaven, God was going to heal this man through the ministry of Peter and John.
What is going on here? Why did Jesus neglect to heal some people? Certainly, we cannot know all the reasons, but we can know a few, because we are told in the Scriptures.
To Magnify the Power of God
Jesus was a day’s walk away from Lazarus when he became sick. When Jesus was told that Lazarus was gravely ill, John records that Jesus loved Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, so He delayed going to Lazarus for 2 more days. Because He loved them, He neglected to go and heal him. Jesus had the power to heal Lazarus before He died. Mary and Martha both point this out to Jesus when He arrives in Bethany, and they were right (John 11:21, 32). Jesus also had the power to heal Lazarus from a distance, like He did with the centurion’s servant (Luke 7:1-10), but He chose not to.
Why? Why did Jesus delay with Lazarus? Why not heal him immediately? The text reads, “He loved them” (John 11:5). Later He tells His disciples that He is glad for their sakes that he was not with Lazarus, so that they might believe (11:15). We learn two reasons why Jesus delayed: for the sake of Mary and Martha, and for the sake of the disciples’ faith. Jesus would soon identify Himself to Martha as the Resurrection and the Life (11:25). Later to the whole crowd, which included friends, disciples, and enemies, He would announce Himself as the One sent from the Father (11:42). Only God can raise people from the dead. Jesus delayed in healing Lazarus so that He could magnify His power in the presence of many witnesses. And He did. When Lazarus was raised, many of the Jews saw what He had done, and believed in Him (11:45).
To Focus on His Mission
When Jesus was in Capernaum, His popularity rose greatly, because everyone was bringing the sick and lame to Him so that He could heal them. One night, He stayed up late healing people. When the disciples woke up the next morning, Jesus was gone, but the crowds were gathering. Presumably, they were expecting Jesus to continue His healing ministry. But Jesus had gotten up early to go to a secluded place to pray. When the disciples told him about the crowds, He decided to move on to another city so that He could preach, “Let us go somewhere else to the towns nearby, so that I may preach there also; for that is what I came for” (Mark 1:38).
Christ did not come to earth in order to heal all physical illness. Certainly, He did a lot of healing. But Christ came to do the will of the Father, which was to preach the good news and to go to the cross. “The Son of Man came to seek and to save that which was lost” (Luke 19:10).
Jesus performed miracles out of mercy for people, but also to validate His claim as Messiah. When John the Baptist was in prison, he sent messengers to Jesus to ask Him if He was the Messiah. Jesus responded by returning this message to John, “The blind receive sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, the poor have the gospel preached to them” (Luke 7:22). The miracles that Jesus performed were done to authenticate His claim of being Messiah. In other words, miracles of healing were a means to an end. The end was to glorify His Father. Jesus had a mission to accomplish. He needed to show Himself as the true Messiah. He needed to live a perfect life. And then He had to die in the place of sinners.
As we reflect on the life and ministry of Jesus, we can avoid stretching ourselves too thin by keeping a few basic principles in mind.
- Know Your Purpose and Do it Well
Never-say-no Natalie has always been blessed with multiple abilities. She was a straight-A student. She played three sports throughout high school. She played a few instruments. She was outgoing, and people loved to be around her. She was a gifted communicator. As she matured into adulthood, she served the church in several different ways. She did everything with excellence. She got married to a great guy, and the bar for her achievements was set really high. People had come to expect her to continue to serve with breadth and excellence as she had been. But even more so, she felt the internal pressure to continue to serve in every way she could. She taught Sunday School. She sang in the choir. She led a ladies’ Bible study at her home. She did janitorial work at the church on Saturdays. After a few kids came into the picture, she became extremely overwhelmed. She was still saying yes, but conflicts started to arise. People did not appreciate her as they once did. Ministry turned from a joy to a chore. Life at home began sucking up much of the time in her schedule, leaving little time for what she used to love. Everything was clouded by darkness and despair. Nothing seemed joyful anymore. How can we help a young lady like this?
I might not state it in these exact terms directly to Natalie, but she needs to stay in her lane. She needs to zoom out and think about what is most important. We can do the same thing when we feel overwhelmed. We can ask ourselves, “What are my God-given responsibilities?” I am thinking of tangible roles and responsibilities that have been explicitly laid out for us in the Scriptures. Here is another way to think about it: What will God call to account in your life on judgment day regarding your responsibilities? Will God hold you accountable for not being in the choir? Possibly, but do you have biblical support for your answer? Natalie needs to set aside the good in order to make time for what is best.
This may sound a bit elementary, but I have found it helpful to list out your main roles in life (e.g., husband, father, church member, citizen, etc.). Then under each role list three to four commands (or necessary implications) from Scripture that God has given to you. For example, as a father, I am not to lead my children to anger. Rather, I am to instruct them and discipline them in the Lord (Eph 6:4). There are lots of other ways I can spend time with my children, but these are the essentials. I cannot ignore these basic requirements.
- It’s Okay to say “No” Sometimes
There is only one Messiah, and You are not Him. If you say “yes” to everything, you will fail. Do not put more weight on your shoulders than God is placing. In other words, you can say “no” to things that God is not requiring of you. Sometimes we get ourselves into such a pickle because we have over-obligated ourselves, doing lots of things that are good. But in the process, we fail at the most basic and necessary things that God is calling us to do. The Pharisees were great at this. They focused on lots of good things which they thought were protecting them from disobeying God, but they missed the big, clear, and basic things, like honoring their parents (Mark 7:5-13).
Jesus did not say “yes” to everyone who sought to be healed. Sometimes, He delayed so that God would be magnified. He never allowed something good, like healing, to cloud what was best—accomplishing His mission of preaching, seeking the lost, and dying for sinners. Similarly, we need to figure out what the best things are. What has God clearly called us to do? Are we doing all those things well? Then with great freedom we can say “yes” to things beyond the scope of what is required of us. But if we are regularly failing to meet basic obligations, when the next opportunity comes along, it might be time to say “no” to the glory of God.
